MARRIAGE SOFTWARE

This is what a guy wrote to a systems analyst (Marriage Software Division)

Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

... AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating out without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

GOD CANNOT BE MOCKED

DID YOU KNOW THESE FACTS? I SURE DIDN'T TILL NOW
Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death!
Make a personal reflection about this... very interesting, read until the end..... It is written in the Bible - Galatians 6:7: 'Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.'
Here are some men and women who mocked God

John Lennon (Singer)
Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, he said: 'Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, tday we are more famous than Him' (1966).
Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.

Tancredo Neves (President of Brazil)

During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency. Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.

Cazuza (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet)
During a show in Canecio (Rio de Janeiro), while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said: 'God, that's for you.'
He died at the age of 32 of AIDS in a horrible manner.

The man who built the Titanic

After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him 'how safe the Titanic would be?'

With an ironic tone he said: 'Not even God can sink it'
The result? I think you all know what happened to the Titanic.

Marilyn Monroe (Actress)

She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her.

After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said 'I don't need your Jesus'
A week later, she was found dead in her apartment.

Bon Scott (Singer)

The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC.

On one of his 1979 songs he sang 'Don't stop me, I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell'
On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his own vomit.

Campinas (In 2005)

In Campinas, Brazil, a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up another friend...

The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car -
'My Daughter, go with God and may He protect you...'

She responded - 'Only if He (God) travels in the trunk, 'cause inside here... it's already full '
Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact. The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken.

Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist and Entertainer)

He said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written.
In June 2006, she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.

Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus. Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and He is still alive - 'Jesus'

"How could God let something like this happen?"

In light of the many perversions and jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, and it’s intended to get us thinking. Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (Regarding the attacks on Sept. 11).
Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school.... the Bible says thou shall not kill, thou shall not steal, and love your neighbour as yourself. And we said OK.Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. The school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued (there's a big difference between disciplining, touching, beating, smacking, humiliating, kicking, etc.). And we said OK.
Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won't even have to tell their parents. And we said OK.
Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school. And we said OK.
Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. Agreeing with them, we said it doesn't matter to me what anyone, including the President, does in private as long as I have a job and the economy is good.
Then someone said let's print magazines with pictures of nude women and call it wholesome, down-to-earth appreciation for the beauty of the female body. And we said OK.
And then someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then further again by making them available on the Internet. And we said OK, they're entitled to free speech.
Then the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence, and illicit sex. Let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes. And we said it's just entertainment, it has no adverse effect, nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to destruction hell.
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.
Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they WILL think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T HAVE TO PASS THIS ON IF YOU DON'T WANNA...

Laws of Money

Murchison's Law of Money

Money is like manure. If you spread it around, it does a lot of good. But if you pile it up in one place, it stinks like hell.

7 LAWS OF MONEY

I came across this write-up and couldn't get my mind off the truths as explained by Mike Phillips. I accept the fact that this has existed for over three decades now, yet it's absolutely real even for today's financial situations. Please read and let's improve our money skill.

THE SEVEN LAWS OF MONEY
The following laws were published in 1977 in 'Seven laws of Money' by Mike Phillips. Mike, a Bank of America banker, was instrumental in developing Master Charge.
1. Do it! Money will come when you are doing the right thing. The first law is the hardest for most people to accept and is the source of the most distress. The clearest translation of this in terms of personal advice is "go ahead and do what you want to do." Worry about your ability to do it and competence to do it, but certainly do not worry about the money.

2. Money has its own rules: records, budgets, savings, borrowing. The rules of money are probably Ben Franklin-type rules, such as never squander it, don't be a spendthrift, be very careful, you have to account for what you're doing, you must keep track of it, and you can never ignore what happens to money.

3. Money is a dream - a fantasy as alluring as the Pied Piper. Money is very much a state of mind. It's much like the states of consciousness that you see on an acid trip... It is fantasy in itself, purely a dream. People who go after it as though it were real and tangible, say a person who is trying to earn a hundred- thousand dollars, orient their lives and end up in such a way as to have been significantly changed simply to have reached that goal. They become part of that object and since the object is a dream ( a mirage) they become quite different from what they set out to be.

4. Money is a nightmare - in jail, robbery, fears of poverty. I am not expressing a moral judgment. I am making very clear something that many people aren't conscious of: among the people we punish, the people we have to take out of society, 80% or more are people who are unable to deal with money. Money is also a nightmare when looked at from the opposite perspective - from the point of view of people who have inherited a lot of money. The western dream is to have a lot of money, and then you can lead a life of leisure and happiness. Nothing in my experience could be further from the truth.

5. You can never give money away. Looked at over a period of time, money flows in certain channels, like electricity through wires. The wires define the relationship, and the flow is the significant thing to look at. The fifth law of money suggests that by looking at the gift in a larger or longer-term perspective, we will see that it is part of a two-way flow.

6. You can never really receive money as a gift. Money is either borrowed or lent or possibly invested. It is never given or received without those concepts implicit in it. Giving money requires some payment; if it's not repaid the nightmare elements enter into it. A gift of money is really a contract; it's really a repayable loan, and it requires performance and an accounting of performance that is satisfactory to the giver.

7. There are worlds without money. They are the worlds of art, poetry, music, dance, sex, etc. the essentials of human life. The seventh law is like a star that is your guide. You know that you cannot live on the star; it is not physically a part of your life, but rather an aid to orientation. You are not going to reach this star, but in some sense neither are you going to reach your destination without it to guide you.

STRESS - Is it avoidable or just manageable?

Is it possible to live without stress?
I think we live in a world that has constant pressures here and there. In my little years of sojourn in this time zone (3 decades + now), my shocking discovery is that a problem solved creates another. I've had lofty aspirations and high expectations that most times when realised leaves me with another void. Then the quest to do somehting new sets in, thereby landing me into concerns and finally results into STRESS.
I wish someone will be able to delete that 6-letter word from the dictionary and in reality take it out of existence but behold, the more we run away from it out of fear, the more we are entangled by it.
I am of the opinion that STRESS is not avoidable (I stand to be corrected anyway), but it can adequately be managed. Carol Clifton PhD; a licensed Psychologist offered the followings as the Danger Signal of Stress -
You may be under too STRESS if you...
...find yourself irritable or impatient with things you normally tolerate.
...have difficulty getting to sleep and feel exhausted whe you awake.
...sense you are one step away from falling apart.
...suffer from frequent headaches or stomach pains.
...get distracted easily and have trouble concentrating.
...talk more negatively than usual.
...become forgetful and absentminded.
don't laugh as much as you used to.
...use alcohol, non-prescription drugs, or food to help you relax.
...postpone what is truly important, to accomplish what isn't that important.

Good counsel I hear you say. But I found a better counsel in a book called the Bible - "casting all your care upon Him (God), for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7.
This has worked for me, when I'm faced with something a bit higher than my usual strength, I just observe solitude and cast my cares upon God, it has worked more than magic.

Have a great day!

With Love...

The Nigeria I Love!

I feel like sharing with you my passion for my nationality - Nigeria.

I enjoy reading through the anthem and pledge,

though many Nigerians don't even give much attention to it.

The Nigerian National Anthem
Arise O' Compatriots,
Nigeria's call obey
To serve our fatherland
With love and strength and faith
The labours of our heroes past
Shall never be in vain
To serve with heart and might
One nation bound in freedom,
peace and unity

O God of Creation,
direct our noble cause,
Guide (thou) our leaders right,
Help our youth the truth to know
In love and honesty to grow
And living just and true
Great lofty heights attain
To build a nation where peace
and justice shall reign

The Nigerian Pledge
I pledge to Nigeria my country
To be faithful loyal an honest
To serve Nigeria with all my strength
To defend her unity
And uphold her honour and glory
So help me God

Our level of patrotism can be evaluated based on how much meaning we can derive from the lyrics of this anthem and pledge. Really amazing that some of our political leaders don't even know the words, how do we expect them to act sacrificially as the anthem demanded.

I'm very positive about this country that it's going to fulfil her purpose. The land will be purged of her bastards and it's be one the best nations of the world in every good sense of it.